GUYS AND DOLLS Unraveling The Mystery of Adolescent Males and ...

GUYS AND DOLLS Unraveling The Mystery of Adolescent Males and ...

GUYS AND DOLLS Unraveling The Mystery of Adolescent Males and Females Presented by: Janice Gabe, LCSW New Perspectives of Indiana, Inc. 6308-B Rucker Road Indianapolis, IN 46220 (317) 465-9688 (317) 465-9689 www.newperspectives-indy.com [email protected] Communication Patterns Girls Boys - Language of extreme - Language of minimization - Figure out what they - Dont talk until they figure think by talking out what they think - Masters of the false agreement- Masters of the false bravado - Discuss feelings - Distract from feelings - Talk a lot, means a little - Talk a little, means a lot - Avoid conflict - Out macho feelings Process talk - Report talking Girls connect through sharing experiences - Guys connect through action Girls Challenges Looking to others to meet their needs for happiness

Act without deciding instead of deciding to act React to others instead of acting on their own behalf Indirect communication Avoidance vs. resolution Sense of well being and emotional health correlated with quality of their attachments to others Define self in comparison to others Use drama to keep others connected to them TREATMENT IMPLICATIONS 1.DEMAND THEY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO THEM 2.MOBILIZE

THEIR ENVIRONMENT FOR SUPPORT. THEY WILL RESPOND TO THIS 3.DISCUSS 4.HELP ROLE OF DRAMA THEM IDENTIFY REACTIONS TO OTHERS TREATMENT IMPLICATIONS (Continued) 5.FOCUS ON DIRECT COMMUNICATION WITH OTHERS 6.ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF FEELING 7.TAKING CONTROL OF THEIR SEXUAL EXPERIENCES 8.HOLD ON TO CONCEPT OF SELF 9. Teaching emotional regulation skill (Think About What You Can Do To Calm Yourself)

Self Soothing Skills 1. Sight 2. Sound 3. Taste 4. Smell 5. Touch 6. Soothing action 7. Relaxation 8. Breath work 9. Awareness meditation 10. People 11. Movement Remember Prevention Practice ASAP 10. Normalizing emotion - Acceptance - Perspective placement - This happens to everyone (no one likes it) - At this moment someone else feels exactly same way Guys Challenges Quest to prove masculinity Limited in behavior that is considered appropriate for guys

Hidden diagnosis (anxiety, depression, OCD) Environments not guy friendly, therefore guys are over represented in categories such as Learning Disabilities, academic underachievement, dropout rates, discipline referrals Struggle with ways to emotionally connect with Dads Are more often victims of violence and harsh treatment from coaches, parents, and other adults. Define self in opposition to others Guys Allow them to set their own time clock around communication Relationship build by doing things with them. Combine movement with conversation Guys like to talk about things they like. Learn about things that are important to them Communicate

under positive assumption - Im sure you have thought about this instead of Im sure you have figured this out instead of You need to get this figured out Time limits on emotional discussions Approach them with respect Guys avoid things they dont have a solution for. Communicate by saying things like, Well talk about this after youve figured it out. Directions Discussion about achievement brings forth emotion Hidden Diagnosis Boys are over-diagnosed with behavioral and conduct problems. Other more appropriate diagnoses get over looked because males manifest their problems behaviorally

1. Anxiety Adolescent males who suffer from anxiety: a) Dont understand the word anxiety they often think it means looking forward to something. b) Confuse anxiety with anger because it is physiologically similar to anger. c) Males respond to anxiety with a fight or flight reaction. This reaction sets off a chain of events which ultimately present as behavior problems. d) Launch into high risk behavior in an attempt to out match their vulnerable feelings. e) Use alcohol and substances to dull the intensity getting smooth. f) Feel they are going crazy because they hear things or see things. g) Report nighttime anxiety. h) Can tell you they worry, or get nervous or edgy. i) Anxiety males become avoidant 2. Obsessive Compulsive Disorders 1) Obsessive compulsive behaviors are perhaps the most overlooked and misdiagnosed of all anxiety disorders in adolescent males. Adolescents Who Have OCD a) Display anger that appears irrational and confusing to others. b) Never talk about it or even think about it until they are asked directly.

c. Report they get mad when: - They get set in their minds that things are going to be one way and someone disrupts their plan. - They have to do certain things in a certain order. - They dont like to be rushed or hurried. - Little things like noises and people chewing, bother them a great deal. - Their thoughts get stuck in their head. - They get locked in to activity and get irrational when they are asked to change activity. - They get locked into conflict and cannot disengage. 3. Depression Depression is significantly under-diagnosed in adolescent males: a) Adolescent females who are depressed tend to ruminate. Males tend to try to ignore or distract themselves from their moods. b) Males attempt to mask their moods. End up as aggressiveness, acting out, alcohol and drug use. c) Boys often lack the emotional language to describe their moods. d) Adults are more comfortable viewing boys problems as behavioral vs. emotional and tend to be less supportive, warm, affectionate and more critical, reprimanding and disapproving of boys. e) 45% of girls who are depressed tell their friends. Only 26% of depressed males talk to friends. f) Adolescent depression often manifest in: - Irritability - Sullenness - Crankiness - Conflict with friends

- Short tempers - Over reaction to small things - Hostility - Negative language - Critical - Aggression - Risk taking - Chronic headaches and stomach aches Strategies for Males and Females Dealing With Mood The Way you talk How to get strong emotionally Happy people are ones who push selves Focus on creating opportunity vs. building obstacles When you re stuck with your negative thoughts at least consider the possibilities If you are going to make up fantasies make them good If you think it might not work out, do it anyway Distractions: Through action Cognitive distraction - take a break - thought stopping - Clear mind - refocus thoughts Other Focus - Self centered focus

Change your language: - Its a challenge vs. its overwhelming - Its hard vs. its too hard Pay attention to and focus on language of change Concept of normal people feelings emotionally Listen to your talk: - How many times a day do you saystupid, annoying, hate, etc.? Listen to your internal self speak it regulates behavior If words going through your head are negative feeling will be negative Learn emotional language (*Tom Drummond, North Side Community College) Happiness S T R

O N G M E D I U M L I G H T Caring Depression Vocabulary of Emotions Inadequateness Fear Confusion Hurt Anger Loneliness Remorse Delighted

Ebullient Ecstatic Elated Energetic Enthusiastic Euphoric Excited Exhilarated Overjoyed Thrilled Tickled pink Turned on Vibrant Zippy Adoring Ardent Cherishing Compassionate Crazy about Devoted Doting Fervent Idolizing Infatuated Passionate Wild about Worshipful Zealous Alienated Barren Beaten Bleak Bleeding

Dejected Depressed Desolate Despondent Dismal Empty Gloomy Grieved Grim Hopeless In despair Woeful Worried Blemished Blotched Broken Crippled Damaged False Feeble Finished Flawed Helpless Impotent Inferior Invalid Powerless Useless Washed up Whipped Worthless Zero Alarmed

Appalled Desperate Distressed Frightened Horrified Intimidated Panicky Paralyzed Petrified Shocked Terrified Terror-stricken Wrecked Baffled Befuddled Chaotic Confounded Confused Dizzy Flustered Rattled Reeling Shocked Shook up Speechless Startled Stumped Stunned Taken-aback Thrown Thunderstruck Trapped Abused

Aching Anguished Crushed Degraded Destroyed Devastated Discarded Disgraced Forsaken Humiliated Mocked Punished Rejected Ridiculed Ruined Scorned Stabbed Tortured Affronted Belligerent Bitter Burned up Enraged Fuming Furious Heated Incensed Infuriated Intense Outraged Provoked Seething Storming Truculent

Vengeful Vindictive Wild Abandoned Black Cut off Deserted Destroyed Empty Forsaken Isolated Marooned Neglected Ostracized Outcast Rejected Shunned Abashed Debased Degraded Delinquent Depraved Disgraced Evil Exposed Humiliated Judged Mortified Shamed Sinful Wicked Wrong

Aglow Buoyant Cheerful Elevated Gleeful Happy In high spirits Jovial Light-hearted Lively Merry Riding high Sparkling Up Admiring Affectionate Attached Fond Fond of Haggy Kind Kind-hearted Loving Partial Soft on Sympathetic Tender Trusting Warm-hearted Awful Blue Crestfallen Demoralized

Devalued Discouraged Dispirited Distressed Downcast Downhearted Fed up Lost Melancholy Miserable Regretful Rotten Sorrowful Tearful Upset Weepy Ailing Defeated Deficient Dopey Feeble Helpless Impaired Imperfect Incapable Incompetent Incomplete Ineffective Inept Insignificant Lacking Lame Overwhelmed Small

Substandard Unimportant Afraid Apprehensive Awkward Defensive Fearful Fidgety Fretful Jumpy Nervous Scared Shaky Skittish Spineless Taut Threatened Troubled Wired Adrift Ambivalent Bewildered Puzzled Blurred Disconcerted Disordered Disorganized Disquieted Disturbed Foggy Frustrated Misled Mistaken

Misunderstood Mixed up Perplexed Troubled Annoyed Belittled Cheapened Criticized Damaged Depreciated Devalued Discredited Distressed Impaired Injured Maligned Marred Miffed Mistreated Resentful Troubled Used Wounded Aggravated Annoyed Antagonistic Crabby Cranky Exasperated Fuming Grouchy Hostile Ill-tempered

Indignant Irate Irritated Offended Ratty Resentful Sore Spiteful Testy Ticked off Alienated Alone Apart Cheerless Companionless Dejected Despondent Estranged Excluded Left out Leftover Lonely Oppressed Uncherished Apologetic Ashamed Contrite Culpable Demeaned Downhearted Flustered Guilty Penitent

Regretful Remorseful Repentant Shamefaced Sorrowful Sorry Contended Cool Fine Genial Glad Gratified Keen Pleasant Pleased Satisfied Serene Sunny Appreciative Attentive Considerate Friendly Interested in Kind Like Respecting Thoughtful Tolerant Warm toward Yielding Blah Disappointed

Down Funk Glum Low Moody Morose Somber Subdued Uncomfortable Unhappy Dry Incomplete Meager Puny Tenuous Tiny Uncertain Unconvincing Unsure Weak Wishful Anxious Careful Cautious Disquieted Goose-bumpy Shy Tense Timid Uneasy Unsure Watchful Worried

Distracted Uncertain Uncomfortable Undecided Unsettled Unsure Let down Minimized Neglected Put away Put down Rueful Tender Touched Unhappy Bugged Chagrined Dismayed Galled Grim Impatient Irked Petulant Resentful Sullen Uptight Blue Detached Discouraged Distant Insulated

Melancholy Remote Separate Withdrawn Bashful Blushing Chagrined Chastened Crestfallen Embarrassed Hesitant Humble Meek Regretful Reluctant Sheepish Strategies for Anxiety Management: Identify and change negative projections and anticipations What percentage of things you worry about have ever actually happened Track anxiety Break down the time Perception vs. reality Keep thoughts reeled in If going to create fantasy make it good FEAR One thing you would do if you werent afraid The anxiety is in the anticipation Trust self World gets smaller and smaller Anxiety is the door you have to walk through to get to the world you want

Measuring Anxiety 1)Identify an anxiety provoking situation 2)Walk client through it 3)Stop periodically and ask them to rank anxiety on a 1-5 scale 4)When they give something a 4 or 5 rank, ask how long that scenario will take before they move through it 5)Calculate amount of time anxiety was at peak 6)Provide skills for managing those peaks 7)What were you thinking during that high anxiety time 8)Are those thoughts rational 9)What would be rational thinking 10)Recognize that the thinking of it is worse than the doing of it 11)Now do this again using rational thoughts and breathing 12)GO DO SOMETHING THAT FRIGHTENS YOU Social Anxiety Let The others decide how they feel about you world is a walking mass off insecurity Is the stuff your reacting to coming at you or from within you Role of substance use in social anxiety INSIDE-OUT When

you feel anxious in social situations, you begin to focus inward Next time this happens I want you to focus on: - Pick up your head - Look around the room - Closely observe others Identify someone else who looks uncomfortable Identify what you might be able to do to help that person feel more comfortable Decide to act on this or not

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